Reflections from my hospital bed – Part 3
It seems like an eternity now since I lay in my hospital bed but if I’m honest some of the lessons I learnt and thinking I explored have stayed with me and seem as fresh as if it were just an hour ago. At times some lessons have pursued me and refused to leave me alone. It seems they want to ensure they are not forgotten.
One of the ones that continues to pursue me could be entitled the value of a life. During my darker moments I looked through the wardrobe of my life and I sensed frustration at the threadbare attire - why had I not achieved more? Why did I not apply for that “big” job? Why had I not done great things? Why was I not more influential and why did I not weld more power?
I heard some of my neighbours reminisce through their lives and I wondered were they found value in them. Some were in their 11th hour so to speak and I wondered if they had any sense of achievement. As my thoughts wondered deep through my being this verse came to mind.
In fairness this verse has been in my thinking for quite some time now or should I say its pursued me. An example of this can be found above a doorway I’ve entered many times. Belfast Cathedral is a place I’ve grown fond of and visit regularly – imagine my surprise to see this verse written above its door (Above photo).
For some time before I fell ill I had been moaning about how my life was boring. The repetition was killing me and the challenge of what I do had long since left me. You see 3 years ago I was called to change my job. The one I did is completely the opposite of what I do now. With the new one people aren’t dependant on me for answers, it doesn’t stroke my ego, I’ve no public profile, and I’ve no power or influence. It’s a hard job to see progress in. There are no badges of accreditation, no medals of achievement and few people walk up to you and say “Good job - well done”. In fact on occasions it’s been just the opposite.
As I put the umpteenth wash on and as I do yet another run in the car I grumble. This is not what I want for my life. You’ve got it the wrong way round you chubby skinhead. I want glory; I want my achievements everywhere for all to see. I want to be better than that person and have achieved more. I want everyone to know me and like me. I want people to thank me more and I want people to hold me in awe, suddenly this verse startles my train of thought and I’m silenced (just). It’s a hard lesson to learn but one that’s drawing me in.
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Everybody’s calling and life will be different but how does the verse relate to you?
2 comments:
Matthew 10 v 39. ps you're doing just fine big man.
I agree, ur an unsung hero- and that's not to stroke your ego, that's to say it straight.
That verse reminds me that had I not answered God's call to go to Bible College and then serve him I would have pursued my own interests alone, losing all that I now know makes life worthwhile. Giving up our own interests for Jesus finds a fulfilled life here and blessing through eternity.
It's about finding satisfaction in the life that you have been given rather than chasing a life of satisfaction. It's a subtle but serious difference.
Of course, admitedly, none of that makes it any easier, especially living in the western world where our spiritual eyes have grown focused and accustomed to the prevailing darkness.
Keep standing out and being different Pete, who else are young fellows like me gonna look up to...?
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